just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
