Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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