Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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