My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
