My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
