Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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