Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
