Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
