Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
