No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
