the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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