I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
