Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
