i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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