Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
