apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
