i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
