listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
