Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
