the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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