I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize