I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
