I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
