so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
