i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
