Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
