My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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