please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
