I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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