Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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