Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
