Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
