mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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