I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
