I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
