do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
