worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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