In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
