I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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