i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
