Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
