I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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