Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
