I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
