i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
