Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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