Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
