I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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