how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
