I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
