They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
